96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize