Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
