he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
