i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
