I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
