I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
