Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
