Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
