whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can't special order awesome
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
