Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
