The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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