i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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