He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
