Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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