I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize