just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
