She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
