woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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