On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i dont even know how to be here
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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