It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Text me some of your sweat
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
