I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
