But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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