I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
