dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
