I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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