If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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