party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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