help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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