i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
