waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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