that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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