Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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