Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
