TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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