I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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