just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
