He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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