Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
