Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i will never coherently bang her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
