Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize