look no pants
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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