Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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