nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
