Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
