garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
