so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
