If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
