so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
