I just pynch a tree in the face
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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