I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
