you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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