Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
